Moments prolong, dilate
eyes widen
mouths open
legs fail

kthxbai.

1. Person A suggests to Person B that B has a (sexual) preference for something that Person C has been known to do.
-> C has no problem with this, in fact C is quite comfortable with the concept of A and B discussing [insert activity here] – and even C’s potential to act [activity out] – and believes that they are fine to do so to their heart’s content.

2. Person A suggests to C that, after discussion of [activity], B would not be adverse to doing [activity] with C – and invents a scenario in which such a thing happens.
-> suddenly C feels uncomfortable: a line has been crossed.

But where is the line?

What’s wrong with this picture? Why does the abstract thought of something not offend, but the consideration of acting out something – still a thought! –  become difficult to stomach?

I’ve been pondering this since last Friday, and in the absence of any scholarly literature to back me up: here follow my ramblings on the subject.

Point 1: The thought of [activity] is not an issue – and nor should it be, I believe. People can consider the possibility of [activity] and the possibility that C has done [activity].
Point 2: The suggestion of a scenario of [activity] is a step too far.
Conclusion: C prefers to take a passive role. In a ‘fantasy’, C is comfortable, but the suggestion of an active role is uncomfortable.

Presumably, this is because C recognises that thoughts cannot be controlled? The speculation of A and B is outside of C’s control and, often, influence. But if A or B were to act upon this, or consider certain scenarios, C would be an active player in this fantasy of [activity] and then the circumstances would change.

Or, is it that C wishes to be admired from afar, remaining sanitised and non-complicit?

What is it about playing an active role rather than a passive one that is so different?

And does this desire to be passive, if we can call it such, a desire to be objectified? A return to the Male Gaze?

As a passive object, C has no control but if this is desired can this be considered an anti-feminist thought? Is it wrong to say that although C does not wish to do [activity], B may consider that C does [activity] as long as B does not contemplate C and B doing [activity]?

It is important to note here that passive =/= harmless any more than active = harmful. But this is where the conflict lies. In an abstract consideration, with no precise scenarios, C has no control and no voice. In Scenario 2, where C is considered by A and B, C is aware that they are part of something which they have not been asked to play a role in – but they still cannot stop it happening. Scenario 3, not mentioned above, is the point at which B propositions C for [activity]. This, too, is comfortable.

Is thinking something more or less appropriate than acting it?

Acknowledging [activity] is not the same as suggesting it.
The tipping point is where B not only considers ‘C does [activity[' but that  'C will do [activity] with me’. The point where B approaches C to ask ‘will you do [activity] with me?’ is the point at which C has a choice and can exercise that right. They have been invited to play an active role.
Before that the idea is tangible, a possibility, but C has no knowledge or choice in the matter. Rightfully, they cannot stop C considering it, but the knowledge that C is being considered in relation to [activity] is unnerving because there is no control. This is different from not having a choice at the point of acknowledgement because now C is aware of it and it as though they have been included in something they were not invited to.

So if this is not passive, what is it? Oppressive? Presumptive? Denying C the option to choose?

The most obvious conclusion here is that I think too much. But does anyone else see the line here: whereabouts is the problem? Or is there even a problem? If you were C, would you feel uncomfortable?

Terry Pratchett
I’ve stated on more than one occasion that if I ever went on Mastermind my specialist subject would be the History of Ankh-Morpork.

Paul Magrs
I somehow discovered Paul Magrs via the young adult novel Strange Boy and it totally blew me away. I could read this book every month and not get bored of it.

Margaret Atwood
The Handmaid’s Tale, Oryx and Crake, The Penelopiad: there is no author I can think of who has such a way of reimagining the ordinary, and making me consider everything from my writing style, to my plots to my place in society. I can’t recommend her enough, and I would and will hope to read anything and everything she has written.

Douglas Adams
Perhaps controversially, I prefer the Dirk Gently series to Hitchhiker’s Guide. I feel I can say that having read all of these series, including the unfinished The Salmon of Doubt, but seriously, I could wax lyrical for some time about how great Dirk Gently is and why you ought to give it a go.

Jeanette Winterson
My English Literature teacher at Secondary school recommended Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit and she was right. Since then I’ve read a number of her books, and I really can’t get over her use of language and imagery. I’m sure I could learn a lot from her – so I need to keep reading!

John Donne
Here’s another topic best saving for a full blog post. For my dissertation I read a lot of sermons as well as a lot of poetry – and if I still love him then there must be something there. I know a number of his poems by heart (mostly the rude ones such as Elegie XIX but also nicer ones such as The Good-Morrow). As a tip for Christmasses, etc, I’m collecting collections of his poetry. So, you know, just an idea.

JK Rowling
I say this, but hasn’t everyone? In fact, I didn’t read the spin off books, but I have read the Harry Potter series at least twice.

Jane Austen
I always stated I hated Jane Austen until I read Northanger Abbey and then I went back to read Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility and realised how funny her work was. Not just a description of lovelorn ladies in big dresses!

J. R. R. Tolkien
After re-discovering The Lord of the Rings at school, I suddenly became obsessed with all things Tolkien. Including Leaf by Niggle. Having said this, I own The Silmarillion, but still can’t finish it. But ask me about the Sindarin noun-verb diclensions, or the Hobbits after the Ring and I may know a little something! Oh, and if you can’t find any Donne for Christmas, Tolkien editions are also accepted.

Oscar Wilde
Wilde is another author I’m glad to have discovered at school, and whose works I will happily collect in any edition. I’ve pored over the plays and consider The Picture of Dorian Gray to be among the most haunting stories I’ve ever read.

Jostein Gaarder
This one was rather a surprise when I looked back at my bookshelves. But I have the majority of his books. A wonderfully clever philosopher and storyteller, Gaarder’s novels are thought-provoking and vivid and very, very imaginative. Read Sophie’s World and consider how words are written on the inside of a banana skin…

So, who are your favourite authors? Who will you always return to for good writing – and why?

What’s new with you? Tell me things!

What’s new with me, you ask? Well… I thought it would only be fair to explain what has been keeping me busy for the whole of January.

• Learning to play snooker
• Complaining about writing a report
• Finally handing in said report
• Beginning to cook Japanese food
• Going back to the gym
• Watching Sherlock
• Reading Return of the Native
• Working

All of these things have, I have to admit, been a pleasant distraction from Having An Opinion, but I hope to return to form sooner or later. Sooner, I hope.

Also:
Stumbling upon some really great blogs

• Raising my Rainbow is a heartfelt and often hilarious account of motherhood with a difference: C.J. is a ‘gender nonconforming’ child, meaning that he’s in most ways utterly fabulous, but that growing up is a very different experience for him and his family. C.J.’s Mom is bright, funny, positive and seems to really be making the most of her unique family. Current favourite posts include My Son the Dancer and Things I Never Thought I’d Say to My Son.
• Another Angry Woman, which I’ve added to my subscribed list so as to hear other’s opinions on feminist issues. Rather than my ranting hopelessly on Twitter, I’m hoping that I might actually find something useful here, and some other people to rant alongside.

So, you know, because my life’s been nice but I’ve been quiet: What’s new with you? How’s 2012 going so far?

Last Year’s Resolutions:

1.Apply for (and get accepted onto!) King’s College London Literature and Medicine MA
Well, weirdly: success. I applied, I was accepted, then I panicked and deferred entry. Everything all came at the same time, just as I was planning to take the Library Science MSc, and so the current status of this resolution is that I did what I set out to do, but have yet to actually attend the course. I have hold of it, though, for safekeeping.

2.Complete OU Genetics course by the January deadline!
Done. And I passed with some sort of merit – so the OU think I’m intelligent even if no-one else does.
It wasn’t a bad course of study, to be honest, although I did know a lot of it from my A Level studies. I was thinking of studying for a degree with the OU, but I really found the distance element rather too distant to be of any use.

3.Visit home at least once a month.
Success! I think… I’ve visited home, or my parents have visited me once a month at least – so they still know what I’m up to! It’s always nice to go home, although I do love my independence.

4.Find archives work experience, work out whether or not to apply for Kew Gardens Trainee Archivist post.
Well, no. Unless you count ‘work out whether to apply’ as solved by deciding on a Library Science degree… I’m still wistful about archives, and hoping I’ll get to work out whether it’s my thing or not at

5.Do some sort of exercise! Find motivation to drive to a swimming pool/take up ice skating.
Unexpectedly, done. I swam (for a bit), didn’t take up ice skating (woe), but have weirdly been persuaded to join a gym. This is real shock to me, as I’d never set foot in a gym until about a month ago. In fact, it felt like giving in. But to my extreme surprise and mild annoyance, (I don’t actually hate it.) Shh, don’t tell anyone.

6.A new one! As of 07.01.11 I will be taking part in the PostAWeek wordpress challenge for 2011. Will attempt to post at least once a week from now on. Poetry, thoughts, essays, whatever.
Not as successful as the others, as I know I haven’t posted EVERY week. But overall, I kind of have. Must try harder with this one.

As for this year... keep up the good work? No, really, I’ve no idea. Try more recipes, perhaps? But otherwise, complete Year 1 of library school, continue to gym/swim/something, have a social life (!) and don’t get sacked.

Your go. Any new resolutions for 2012?

Curling and unfurling
On alternate weekends.

Cutting my own hair, and
Holding my tongue, tight.

Exchanging our affections,
Amongst endless racing.
Signing in, and signing you out.
We collected apples, and I
Remembered not to count.

I want a month of fire.
Passion, desire.

Take me here,
this wall
My backbone.

I’ll make myself heard.

My lyrical voice abrupt
with logical defeat.

“It’ll end in tears,” we joke.
Yes. “Yours.”

01.10.08

Gah, formatting. This is much prettier on the page that I have